May 6, 2008

Spank or Not?

My 3 year old son was having his tantrum last night. As much as I wanted to understand him, I was really upset to figure out what he really wanted. And after a series of wooing him to calm down, nothing happened.

As I was watching him whining and kicking his feet under the blanket, I felt the urge to spank him until he would stop.

Discipline is very important among kids, no point of argument with that. But we may confuse some actions as discipline tools, which we deem to be right, but in reality it is otherwise. Determining the right disciplinary actions are difficult.

Personally, I don't believe in physical infliction as a form of discipline. As much as possible, everything could be done through talking. Well, I would not say that I have never spanked my kids even once, but I did. And I really felt sorry for those instances. I know those were not due to discipline but because of my burst of temper! And when we are angry, we no longer focus on the real issue of taming the child but already on our emotions during the moment.

Some would say that kids could not be disciplined without spanking them. But then again, if we spank our children, would they become the person we hope them to be?

1 fancies:

Just me June 10, 2008 at 11:41 AM  

Hi! I'm new here so I didn't post anything yet, but I read your blog and I wanted to comment at it.

I'm not a psycholgist, nor an expert but I just want to talk to you according to my experience. I didn't spank a kid, but my mom spanked me. So I know what I'm talking about.

I agree with spanking kids, because of basically three reasons:

1)- Many people talk about "physical damage" to the kids. I think that is a very strong phrase. Since you don't hit him with your fist, or kick him or something like that, you're not causing any "physical damage" to him. A few slaps on the bare butt doesn't leave scars, haematomas, etc. Just pain on the skin surface and maybe a reddened butt.

2)- Besides, (and I know this well), the pain is not the big deal but the humiliation (I'm not really sure about this word but I can't find another) that being exposed and totally vulnerable represents. And that's what makes you think about twice before doing it again.

3)- You are a lovely parent, you have to make him understand that you don't do it because you doesn't love him, but on the contrary, you love him and want him to be well behaved. But over all, you have to understand this.

My mom spanked me many, many times. But much more times she kissed me, hugged me, cooked my favorite food, took care of me whem I was sick, and a large list I couldn't write here. What I'm saying is the spankings happened once in a while, and most of the time we had a sweet relationship. And we still have it. I love her more than everything in the world. Am I angry with her because she spanked me? You'd probably know I'll say "no". And no, I'm not.

The most beautiful sword is forged with a hammer. So, hit your kid with a hammer. No! I'm kidding :-) Now seriously, answering your question "would they become the person we hope them to be?". If the child is, e.g., stealing stuff, spanking is not the solution. But if by "the person we hope them to be" you mean "well behaved", the answer is yes, but we always have to know that children are different one another, and if we decide to apply this procedure, we have to evaluate the results with the time.

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